Saturday, January 26, 2013

God Really Must Have a Sense of Humor!

God really makes me laugh....I just know that he has a sense of humor and he just makes me laugh out loud sometimes.  This post has been a few weeks in the making because I have had things that I want to say, but I wasn't sure how to start or what to say....but now I do.  Let me start by saying this...I have made a committment to date in a way that would be pleasing to be blunt I am saying that I intend to wait to have sex until I am married (again).  This is no easy feat...seriously.  I have managed since that committment by not dating at all...but I don't think that is what my life is supposed to be.  If I am truly honest, I want to eventually find someone that I can share my life with.  I want to get married.  That does not mean that I am not content with the life I have now, because I am.  The thought of being in a relationship is a little bit terrifying for me.  I have failed at two marriages and I have been in many other failed relationships.  I don't want to do that again.  But, I don't think the answer is cutting myself off from any kind of dating.  As I said in an earlier post, I have met someone and I really think he is great.  He is charming and fun to be around.  He makes me laugh and smile alot.  He is super easy to talk to and we have a lot in common.  So, here is the to do this whole staying pure thing in todays world.  Honestly, I don't know how I am going to do this.  It feels like I am the only person in the world who wants to wait.  Well, I feel like there are younger people who have never been married that probably wait...but I think that is easier because once you are married and live where everything is fair game, it is pretty difficult to dial things back to hand holding and a kiss on the cheek.  Anyway, back to my point about God and his sense of humor.....So after the second time I went out with this guy I guess I kind of finally let my guard down a bit and all of these emotions and thoughts flooded out of that spot where they have been tightly locked up and guarded for several years.  It was a bit overwhelming.  I actually kind of had a heated chat with God that went something like, "Why did you make us this way...why do I want this stuff when I can't have it....why can't you just give us a little more self control or something.  I don't like this...can't you just fix it all up for me and make this easy????"  So the next morning when I turned on my phone, my daily devotion popped up and it said, "  If you believe, you will receive what you ask for when you pray.”  Matthew 21:22.  I truly laughed out loud....This is not the first time I have prayed and had a specific answer in my devotional or somewhere else the next day....
Well, fast forward to today.  I am still struggling with this whole thing....How do I do this in a way that is pleasing to God...Is this his will?  What if I just really blow it and mess it all up...My brain is swimming!  I talked about it with a friend earlier...and I mostly feel ok, but every so often my brain becomes overwhelmed with these thoughts.  I know I can do it, but then I don't know if I can do it and it is really difficult and part of me thinks it was safer to just not date because then I could not blow it and I do not want to anger God....You get the point....So tonight, I opened up the devotion book I use with my son...and guess what....God made me laugh again by answering me specifically...
Today's devotion:  "Nothing in the whole world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God."  Romans 8:39  Basically the devotion part said, How long will God love you?   Just when you are happy and kind and doing the right thing?  Everybody loves you then....but even when you have hateful thoughts and you mess up God still loves you...He answered that question long before you even asked it....He answered it by lighting up the sky with a star.  He answered it by sending his son to save you.  You are something special and nothing can keep God from loving you. 
And the devotion for tomorrow...."Dear woman, you are made well because you believed.  Go in peace.  You will have no more suffering."  Mark 5:34  The devotion part says basically, Everyone messes up and makes mistakes.  When you look around, maybe you see people and you think they are all perfect.  That they never mess up.  Look at this woman...she was not perfect.  But, she did have faith....she knew Jesus could help her and she had a hope that he would heal her......That is faith-- a belief that he CAN help and a HOPE that he WILL help. 

Anyway,  I am not going to just give up and live in the way everyone else does...I am going to do my best.  But, I am going to remember that even if I fall on my face and totally make a mess of things....that God will still love me and have a place for me.  I am going to relax and enjoy this dating thing and try not to over-analyze everything.  I am going to trust that I can do this (with his help).

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