Sunday, January 27, 2013

Growing Up In Faith.....

I was just reading through an old post I wrote a couple of years ago about my faith and how others perceive it.  I have been a Christian for a very long time, but I feel like my faith has really been stretched and grown over the past couple years....and particularly this year.  In that post I said that I still felt like a baby Christian...but I realized today that I don't feel that way anymore.  I still think I have a long way to go...but I realized that I am pretty much at peace with life in general.  I know for real that God has a plan and that it often does not look at all like I think it will.  And, I know that that is ok.  Today, a situation came up that even just a year ago probably would have been devestating to me.  But, today I am truly calm and ok with whatever happens.  I am not sure when this happened and I am sure there will be other trials that come along and rock my world.  I am just going to go with it and see what happens.  I have a peaceful feeling that everything will end up just as it should.

Copied posts from an old blog....

Fruit    5/6/11

Heard an interesting thing on the radio the other day....talking about the verse that says good trees produce good fruit and bad trees produce good fruit. They said a good way to measure which kind of tree you are is to look at who you mostly hang out with. Are they producing good things or worldly things? They also talked about how people say that Jesus hung out with sinners, but how really he went and ministered to the sinners and broken people, but the people he really "hung out" with were the 12 and they were hand picked...Interesting thoughts....

Right Place / Right Time    4/12/11

Some may call it fate or coincidence but I call it GOD.....tonight I forgot I promised to make muffins for teachers tomorrow. I remembered at Midnight. I drove to Kroger to find them closed...drove to Walmart and got them. I might add that I was less than thrilled to be going at Midnight and to find Kroger closed! I got to the checkout and there was a guy who had waited til midnight to cash his check so it would be the right date and the machine would not read it. So basically they would not cash his paycheck and he had no cash at all.... He was pretty much stranded without gas and was pretty upset. I happened to have $10, so I gave it to him. No one else appeared to be willing to....I am pretty sure God put me there at that moment to help him and I cannot explain in words how cool that is!


Faith and How We Perceive Ourselves    11/12/09
So, today a friend came up to me and said that she was talking about me last night and said that she thought I really showed Christ in my life and actions. She also said that she had been thinking about the things that she could do better to live out her faith. Another friend came up a little later and said that when he was reading the Bible today, he was convicted about something he said yesterday when I was collecting money for a co-worker who had their baby very early. It was flattering and felt nice...but also got me thinking...I do not usually feel that way about myself. I mean I do nice things for others when I can and I try to live the right way....but there are so many things I could do better. I don't tithe the way I should, I don't read the Bible every day like I should, I don't carve out special time for praying like I should. I have been a Christian for a long time and I know alot about the Bible. But I still think of myself as a baby Christian. I feel like I should be further along....more of a mature Christian. When I think of godly women, I am not the first person who pops into my mind. I think of my friend Michele--who is very quiet and sweet and mild mannered. She has always led a very pure life and stayed true to Christian values....She led many people to Christ in high school and college thru her lifestyle and gentle approach. I think of Lori who is very gifted musically and leads worship. She always seems so together and calm. She seems to do a great job balancing being a wife and mother and leader in the church. She seems graceful under pressure and always seems to know just how to pray for someone. I think of Angela who is the queen of getting things done. She somehow manages to handle a million things all at the same time with a smile on her face. She can round up a crew to help with any project and seems to show up with what someone needs right when they need it. I think of Sandy and Jennifer and well just many wonderful ladies who are godly women. When I compare myself to them I do not feel like I measure up. I am bossy and impulsive and emotional and sometimes demanding.....I am skattered and late everywhere and loud. But I wonder...do we all feel this way? Do we all feel like we don't measure up? I know in my head that the Bible talks about the body having many parts and and how they each have a special purpose....but in my heart there is always someone doing it better...living better....having better gifts than me...being more together than me. I have moments where I feel strong and together and like I am living like Christ and then the very next moment I fall flat on my face. Anyway....I am just wondering....do we all feel this way???

Saturday, January 26, 2013

God Really Must Have a Sense of Humor!

God really makes me laugh....I just know that he has a sense of humor and he just makes me laugh out loud sometimes.  This post has been a few weeks in the making because I have had things that I want to say, but I wasn't sure how to start or what to say....but now I do.  Let me start by saying this...I have made a committment to date in a way that would be pleasing to God...to be blunt I am saying that I intend to wait to have sex until I am married (again).  This is no easy feat...seriously.  I have managed since that committment by not dating at all...but I don't think that is what my life is supposed to be.  If I am truly honest, I want to eventually find someone that I can share my life with.  I want to get married.  That does not mean that I am not content with the life I have now, because I am.  The thought of being in a relationship is a little bit terrifying for me.  I have failed at two marriages and I have been in many other failed relationships.  I don't want to do that again.  But, I don't think the answer is cutting myself off from any kind of dating.  As I said in an earlier post, I have met someone and I really think he is great.  He is charming and fun to be around.  He makes me laugh and smile alot.  He is super easy to talk to and we have a lot in common.  So, here is the delimma....how to do this whole staying pure thing in todays world.  Honestly, I don't know how I am going to do this.  It feels like I am the only person in the world who wants to wait.  Well, I feel like there are younger people who have never been married that probably wait...but I think that is easier because once you are married and live where everything is fair game, it is pretty difficult to dial things back to hand holding and a kiss on the cheek.  Anyway, back to my point about God and his sense of humor.....So after the second time I went out with this guy I guess I kind of finally let my guard down a bit and all of these emotions and thoughts flooded out of that spot where they have been tightly locked up and guarded for several years.  It was a bit overwhelming.  I actually kind of had a heated chat with God that went something like, "Why did you make us this way...why do I want this stuff when I can't have it....why can't you just give us a little more self control or something.  I don't like this...can't you just fix it all up for me and make this easy????"  So the next morning when I turned on my phone, my daily devotion popped up and it said, "  If you believe, you will receive what you ask for when you pray.”  Matthew 21:22.  I truly laughed out loud....This is not the first time I have prayed and had a specific answer in my devotional or somewhere else the next day....
Well, fast forward to today.  I am still struggling with this whole thing....How do I do this in a way that is pleasing to God...Is this his will?  What if I just really blow it and mess it all up...My brain is swimming!  I talked about it with a friend earlier...and I mostly feel ok, but every so often my brain becomes overwhelmed with these thoughts.  I know I can do it, but then I don't know if I can do it and it is really difficult and part of me thinks it was safer to just not date because then I could not blow it and I do not want to anger God....You get the point....So tonight, I opened up the devotion book I use with my son...and guess what....God made me laugh again by answering me specifically...
Today's devotion:  "Nothing in the whole world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God."  Romans 8:39  Basically the devotion part said, How long will God love you?   Just when you are happy and kind and doing the right thing?  Everybody loves you then....but even when you have hateful thoughts and you mess up God still loves you...He answered that question long before you even asked it....He answered it by lighting up the sky with a star.  He answered it by sending his son to save you.  You are something special and nothing can keep God from loving you. 
And the devotion for tomorrow...."Dear woman, you are made well because you believed.  Go in peace.  You will have no more suffering."  Mark 5:34  The devotion part says basically, Everyone messes up and makes mistakes.  When you look around, maybe you see people and you think they are all perfect.  That they never mess up.  Look at this woman...she was not perfect.  But, she did have faith....she knew Jesus could help her and she had a hope that he would heal her......That is faith-- a belief that he CAN help and a HOPE that he WILL help. 

Anyway,  I am not going to just give up and live in the way everyone else does...I am going to do my best.  But, I am going to remember that even if I fall on my face and totally make a mess of things....that God will still love me and have a place for me.  I am going to relax and enjoy this dating thing and try not to over-analyze everything.  I am going to trust that I can do this (with his help).

Friday, January 18, 2013

Prayer....it works!


I have been working with a student in the classroom I am subbing for.  He is a student that gets in trouble a lot, gets angry, etc.  I started a behavior contract with him on my second day of subbing.  It has made a world of difference.  He does not seem angry or defiant and really seems to want to make me happy with him.  So, I have been planning this thing called Winterfest for several months…..It is basically winter camp.  Well, yesterday I started thinking that it would be really cool if I could get this kid to camp.  The problem is that as a teacher in a public school, I am very limited in what I can say to the students in regards to religion.  So, I started praying for God to show me how I could get him invited.  This morning out of the blue, he walked up and said, “Mrs. Thomas, I just started going to church.  They pick me up on a bus.  Isn’t that cool!”  I almost started laughing out loud because that was very clearly a God thing!  So, I asked around to see how I could ask him….I finally asked the principal and he gave me permission to call the mom and see if she would be interested in letting him attend.  She said yes.  But, I did hit another road block…when I told him about it, he said he did not want to go.  He was nervous about being away from mom, nervous he would have to share a bed, nervous that he would not be liked by the other kids, basically just scared overall.  As we left it at the end of the day, he is thinking it over.  I really hope that he will come and I am praying that God will work on his heart to get him here…

Monday, January 14, 2013

Those walls guarding my heart....

I am generally so careful with my heart!   This is how I have stayed safe for quite some time.  I don't really allow myself to think about a future that involves a man, although, I will admit at times the thought does creep in.   Holidays like Valentine's Day and Christmas can stir these desires, as can a sappy girl movie..but for the most part I just don't go there...But, recently I met a person--a guy.  I really did not even plan to meet them.  I mean we wrote a few quick notes back and forth and I figured that would be the end of it....but on a whim I decided to meet him.  It was really fun.  We talked for hours and to be honest, it surprised me.  But, even at this point, I just figured that it would probably be a one time thing.  Well, then I met up with him again and we talked and talked.  It was so fun.  It is kind of scary.  I have no idea where this will go...Maybe we will be friends, maybe we won't ever talk again, or maybe things will go somewhere.  I have no clue.  What I do know is that these walls that I have put up around my heart and my mind have started to crumble.  I find myself thinking maybe I have been missing something by isolating myself.  Safe--on my own I am safe.  I don't have to worry about a broken heart or trusting another with my feelings or letting someone into my inner circle.  Scary, in some ways I don't like all of the emotions and thoughts that this has stirred in my head....It was easier not to go there....I have much pain in my past.  I have many bad choices behind me.  Not dating has been safe because I have known that I would not blow it if I was not dating....But, I think I have grown and healed during this period of being alone.  I think my convictions are strong.  I feel a peace about life and know that no matter what happens, this is a good thing.  I am happy and nervous and feeling a litte giddy.  It is scary and fun all at the same time.  I am nervous about getting my heart broken, but i feel like I will be ok even if that should happen.  I think it is good to take risks.  I wonder if everyone feels this way....