Those walls guarding my heart....

I am generally so careful with my heart!   This is how I have stayed safe for quite some time.  I don't really allow myself to think about a future that involves a man, although, I will admit at times the thought does creep in.   Holidays like Valentine's Day and Christmas can stir these desires, as can a sappy girl movie..but for the most part I just don't go there...But, recently I met a person--a guy.  I really did not even plan to meet them.  I mean we wrote a few quick notes back and forth and I figured that would be the end of it....but on a whim I decided to meet him.  It was really fun.  We talked for hours and to be honest, it surprised me.  But, even at this point, I just figured that it would probably be a one time thing.  Well, then I met up with him again and we talked and talked.  It was so fun.  It is kind of scary.  I have no idea where this will go...Maybe we will be friends, maybe we won't ever talk again, or maybe things will go somewhere.  I have no clue.  What I do know is that these walls that I have put up around my heart and my mind have started to crumble.  I find myself thinking maybe I have been missing something by isolating myself.  Safe--on my own I am safe.  I don't have to worry about a broken heart or trusting another with my feelings or letting someone into my inner circle.  Scary, in some ways I don't like all of the emotions and thoughts that this has stirred in my head....It was easier not to go there....I have much pain in my past.  I have many bad choices behind me.  Not dating has been safe because I have known that I would not blow it if I was not dating....But, I think I have grown and healed during this period of being alone.  I think my convictions are strong.  I feel a peace about life and know that no matter what happens, this is a good thing.  I am happy and nervous and feeling a litte giddy.  It is scary and fun all at the same time.  I am nervous about getting my heart broken, but i feel like I will be ok even if that should happen.  I think it is good to take risks.  I wonder if everyone feels this way....